She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The uberlube is also flammable
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize