Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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