i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
