Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
