I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
