my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
