btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
