That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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