You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
