Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
there was a trapeze. enough said
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
