"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
