They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
