I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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