It's Friday. Sex?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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