Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
