So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
