well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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