the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
operation harelip BJ is a go
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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