i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
