DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
