do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
