i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
that may or may not have been my penis.
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