He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
