if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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