Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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