i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
