you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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