The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
