My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
