Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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