heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
