somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
