JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize