Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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