Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
