do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
