There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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