so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
