dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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