we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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