LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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