he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
