My girlfriend figured out who you are.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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