how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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