Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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