my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
