I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize