Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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