I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
