did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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