i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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