After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
