I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
