"it" just moved
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
