Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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