Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
