I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
