Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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