and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Randomize
