At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
