So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
