I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
