I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
