Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
third nipple confirmed
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
