Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This is my gift to your gina
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
