***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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