yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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